Location:Atacama Desert , US Base

Time:1300 Zulu Time

Cpl., as I was saying.. I know this one chick named Kaylynn back in the States, and she can-

Sanford: Hey guys, mount up. We're starting the assault.

Sgt."Steve" Wilson:(mockingly)"hey guys, we're mounting the assault"... do you have to tell us EVERYTHING?! Besides, who told you?!

Sanford:(pointing to large Marine convoy passing by) Those guys.

(Sanford walks away)

Steve: Damnit, why is he always right? ...Larson?

Larson: (looking at ground) Ooo...a chip.


Larson: (chewing) What? I'm just eating.

Steve:Just get in the Humvee, Larson.


Marine:Roger that,Echo 2, this is Dagger 1-1. We are en route to Base Station Bravo, over.

(fizzing sound)

Steve: Larson, what the hell?

Larson: (sipping Fizz Cola) What? I'm thirsty. Here, have some.

Sanford:Driver, what is that?

Larson:Oh, just an anti-tank mine.

Steve& Sanford: OH SHIT!!!!!

Larson:You know, this reminds me of a time when me and this girl went on a drive and-

(Larson suddenly realizes Humvee is empty)

Laron: Guys, what the f-


The Battle Of Atacama Desert

Larson: Hey guys. What's the haps?

Sanford: What happened to you?

Larson: Oh, I just died, that's all.

Steve: What happened to your face?

(Larson shoots Steve in face with MP412)

Sanford: Larson, what the hell?!!!

Larson:Oh, it's fine. He'll respawn soon.

Sanford:But you just shot him! In the face!

Larson:You know, Sanford, you are being a real douchebag now, and I have another round in this thing.

Sanford: What, you're going to shoot me in the face too?

Larson: No, I was thinking of shooting you in the-

(sniper shot rings out and hits Larson in head)

(both Steve and Larson spawn on opposite sides of road at position A)

Larson: Hey, Steve, pass me the other cola.

Steve: Is this really the time for this?

Larson: Do you want another hole in your head?

(Steve throws soda to Larson but same sniper shoots it in midair, spilling all of the soda on the sand)

Larson: You Commie bastards!!!!

Air Force: Roger, this is Darkstar 6-2. Airstrike inbound.

(two A-10s bomb position B)

Larson: Sweet Jesus titty cinnamon!

Steve: What?!

Larson: I don't know. I heard it somewhere from this guy named Scooter. You heard of him?

Steve: Well,that is the coolest thing I've seen in my entire life.

Larson: Wow, you must have low expectations then.

Steve: Just shut up, Larson.


Larson: Damn, that was crazy.

(Steve points M9 at Larson)

Larson:What is this, payback?

(Steve shoots Russian sniper about to stab Larson over his shoulder)

Sniper: Nyet!!!!(rolling around in pain due to leg wound)

Sanford: (in Russian) What is your name?

(sniper replies in Russian)

Sanford: He says he's this "man of iron". I gotta take a piss, watch him for me, ok?

(Sanford goes behind wall)

Steve: (turning away, along with Larson) He's a douchebag.

Larson:I know, right? I mean, he's-

(as Steve and Larson continue conversation, TMOI steals M1 Abrams)


Larson: What the hell was that?!

( they go to Sanford's last location and find a smoldering hole in the ground.TMOI can be heard laughing his ass off in distance)

Larson: Damn Commie bastards!


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